Archive for August, 2008

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Body Language Skills That Women Don’t Know About

Thursday, August 28th, 2008

Body language is a persuasion skill that women need to learn to use as a part of negotiating

Negotiating is simply a form of specialized communication. We’ve mentioned that persuasion is the flip side of negotiation – the non-verbal communication skills that go along with negotiation’s spoken words. Body language – what our bodies are telling the other side, is a key part of this persuasion skill. What’s interesting is that men seem to do a better job of using their persuasion skills than women do as a part of any deal making. Why is this? I’m sure that psychologists would have a lot to say about it; however, let’s just assume the root cause is how we were all brought up. Boys have been taught to do everything possible to win – no holds barred while girls are taught that there are boundaries that should not be mixed or crossed. Let’s see what we can do about straightening this all out…

As we start the 21st century with its global workforce, new competitors, and changing workplace rules, I believe that persuasion skills are the one set of skills that will set the high achievers apart from everyone else. Some people are just born with a natural ability to communicate well with everyone they meet. The rest of us have to work at it. Just to make things even more complicated, I’m here to tell you that it’s still a “man’s world”. Men still run businesses and most of us are working for a man either directly or somewhere in our management chain. As a man, this is great news for me because I know how to communicate with men. I’ve been around men all my life and they communicate exactly the same way I do. However, it’s not always so easy for women to talk to men , both in the workplace and in your personal lives. Let’s solve that problem. I’m going to give you the skills that you need to understand what both men and women are really telling you and I’m going to show you how you can clearly communicate your message to them at the same time.

Now I’ve got a confession to make – earlier in my career I got canned, fired, walked to the door, call it what you will, you get the point. I’d like to say that I’m a master communicator and that I knew that this was coming; however, that’s not the case. This firing completely blind-sided me. I did not see it coming. Now I thought that I was very good at reading people; however, I was not looking in the right places and that’s one of the reasons that I got taken by surprise. Since then I have honed my people skills so that I never again get surprised: now I am much better at telling what someone is really thinking and I don’t get confused by their words. This is the skill that I’m going to be passing on to you. To get things started, let’s talk about body language. We all know what this is, but how often do we remember to use it in every conversation that we have?

To get started, you need to changed your thinking about every conversation that you have each day. Think about each conversation that you have as being like having three simultaneous phone calls going on with the person that you are talking to: your words, your tone, and your body language. This understanding is important because not only do you need to understand what other people are saying to you, you also have to understand that you are sending multiple messages simultaneously when you speak to others. What is your body language saying about you?

We ignore these gestures because we are so self-involved in what we are saying and trying to listen to what the other person is saying. A quick word of caution: a single isolated gesture is like a single word , doesn’t mean anything unless you put it in context in which it is being used. Just because someone is tugging on their ear when they are talking to you, does not necessarily mean anything! When studying body language, a key point is that it’s when there is change in someone’s gestures that we should take notice. When they start to make a new gesture, that indicates that they have just started to feel someway.

We’re going to start by discussing which single gestures express an attitude or emotion. They are very different and it’s important that you can tell them apart. Next we’ll group these gestures into more complex groups and then show you how to unravel their meaning. Finally, we’ll talk about what to do with the insights that you’ll gain from this new awareness. Knowledge is good, but if you don’t know what to do with it, then it won’t be of any help to you.

Where did I get all of this wonderful information? Its been picked up from watching and observing my coworkers over time & doing lots & lots of reading on the subject. We all need to realize that in any negotiation situation the non-verbal communication is as important as words being used. Next time we’ll dive in to the details of what to look for and what it means…

Do you read the body language of others when you are negotiating with them? Do you think that your body language is giving off clues as to how you feel that you don’t realize? Do you work with anyone who is a master body language reader? How did they get that way? Leave a comment and let me know.

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Posted in art of negotiation, body language, communication skills, persuasion | 2 Comments »

Do You Mind If I "Nibble" On You?

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

The nibble is a negotiating technique that allows the buyer to get just a little bit more

Ah, the things that they don’t teach us in school – like the fine art of nibbling. No, I’m not talking about the process by which you take an hour to eat a cookie by making small bites all around the outside until the whole cookie has been eaten. Instead, I’m referring to the well loved negotiating tactic (among others). In the rest of the world, nibbling is a well accepted business practice by most cultures. In the U.S. it is generally frowned upon and those who use it are viewed as being cheap. However, it works. It works quite often. Maybe we should find out more…

One of my friends, Mike, is a professional Nibbler. Awhile back I was spending a weekend with him when he decided to go out furniture shopping and so I tagged along. Mike found a breakfast room table that he really liked and after going back and forth with the sales person, he had finally reached a price that they could both agree on. Then Mike did something that was unusual. He asked the salesman to throw in the painting that was on the wall in the display area. The surprised salesman thought for a moment, and then agreed. Mike thanked him and got out his checkbook, paused, and then looking directly at the salesman said “… and do you think that we could throw in those pillows that are over on that sofa as part of this deal?” The salesman took a bit longer to answer this time. He said that he could only provide two of the four pillows as a part of the deal. Mike said that that was fine and proceeded to write out his check.

So what had Mike done here? He had gone in to buy a breakfast table and had walked out with a breakfast table, a painting, and two throw pillows. Truly he was a master Nibbler! The art of nibbling has been around since the dawn of man. The answer to the question of whether or not you should nibble in a given business situation is a matter of your judgment.

Why does Nibbling work? There are five main reasons why the nibble is such an effective negotiating technique:

  1. The other side really, really wants to close this deal.
  2. The other side has invested a lot of effort to get this far, why blow it now?
  3. The “nibble” has a small value in comparison with the value of the whole deal.
  4. You are seen as a potential repeat customer if they give in on this one small point.
  5. They want you to be left with the feeling that you got a bargain.

Beware the Invisible Nibble! Nibbles can still occur even after a deal is closed. Generally these unseen nibbles are made by buyers who end up paying their bills late, asking for special delivery options or requesting free training that was not part of the original deal.

How Do You Stop The Nibble? So what could have that furniture salesman done to stop my friend Mike from so effectively nibbling on him? Here are a few tips:

  • He could have had a published price list. Once Mike saw that he could negotiate the price of the table, everything else was up for grabs.

  • He could have insisted that the table was one deal and anything else would have to be another deal.
  • He could have said that he didn’t have the authority to agree to Mike’s nibble request.
  • He could have resisted the desire to give in to Mike’s requests. If he had been able to hold out just a bit longer, Mike, the nibbler, would have given up.

So now you have another negotiating technique to use. This one will take some guts and the inner strength to give it a try even if you know that you’ll be viewed as being cheap. Are you willing to give it a go?

Have you ever had someone try the Nibble on you? Did it work? Have you ever tried to use the Nibble? What were you buying? Did it work out for you or did you get shut down? Leave a comment and let me know.

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Posted in best deals, deals, how to negotiate, money, nibble, satisfied | 2 Comments »

It’s Krunch Time!

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

The Krunch negotiating technique is used by buyers to get lower prices from sellers

What the heck is a Krunch? In a nutshell, it’s a negotiating technique that a buyer can use to squeeze a lower price / better terms out of someone who wants to sell them something. I’ve seen this technique used most often when I’ve been buying a house – it’s a classic. I guess that I should confess that I’ve also used it when I’ve been selling a house…

How Does It Work?
Here’s how the Krunch technique works. The buyer has to have more than one person who wants to sell to them. When the buyer has collected prices from each of the sellers, then the buyer can go back to every one of them and tell them “Your price is to high, you can do better.” Generally speaking, each of the sellers ends up lowering their price.

Why Does It Work?
To understand why the simple Krunch technique works so well, you’ve got to look into the mind of the seller and see what goes on when the buyer tells them that their price is too high:

  • Yeah, I built some give into my pricing just in case this happened.
  • I knew that what I was selling was too expensive.
  • The buyer must have a lower price.
  • Hey! The buyer is talking with me so they must like me.
  • Oh, oh – does the buyer know something that I don’t?

What Are The Drawbacks To Using It?
It doen’t take a rocket scientist to realize that sellers who keep getting Krunch’ed will eventually start to build up defenses to it. Specifically, what you can expect them to do is:

  • Boost their prices because they know that they’ll be asked to lower them.
  • Reduce the quality of the product being offered because they know the price will be lower.
  • Drop some services that used to be given.

What Countermeasures Can You Use?
What good is knowing about a negotiating tactic if you don’t know how to defend yourself against it? Here are three things that you can do when someone tries the Krunch on you:

  • Defend or describe your value. It’s not all about price so take some time to tell the buyer about why your offer is better than anyone elses.
  • Ask them how much better you have to do. There’s no need to lower your price more than they are expecting you to.
  • Buy yourself some time by starting to respond by saying “Hmm…” This will buy you time and will make the buyer feel obligated to fill the blank space with an explanation as to why they want you to lower your price.

Hopefully you’ve learned to set your negotiating goals high enough so that you will achieve more than you ever dreamed possible. Now that you know how to deal with the Kurnch tactic, next time we’ll have to talk about the “nibble”…

When was the last time that someone tried the Krunch on you? Have you built up defenses against it? Have you ever used the Krunch on someone? How did things turn out? Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

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Posted in negotiation, negotiation skills, negotiation style, negotiation tactics, pricing strategy | 7 Comments »

The Other Side Of Negotiation: Persuasion

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

Persuasion is the other side of negotiation

The last time that I went into an auto dealership to buy a car, I was smart enough to keep my eyes open. Because I realized that I was entering into a negotiating “combat zone”, I wanted to see what the dealer would do to prepare me for the inevitable pricing discussions that we were going to be having. Although I came ready to negotiate, what I discovered is that even before we began to talk, the dealer was trying to persuade me to buy a car there. Suddenly the light turned on for me – there’s a whole dimensional to this negotiating stuff that I had not realized was there…

The ultimate goal of any negotiation is to convince the other side to do what you want them to do: sell you the car, buy your house, give you a job, sign the contract, etc. We’ve spent some time talking about what I like to call “classical negotiating”. This includes preparing to negotiate, planning on what you are going to compromise on, and even how to deal with demands and deadlines. Now it’s time to talk about the other side of the coin: persuasion.

Persuasion is one of those words that we all know, but would be hard pressed to define. To put it simply, persuasion is a form of social influence in which one party guides another party to a conclusion or action. This is accomplished by appealing to the other party’s needs and wants instead of forcing them to do something. If taken too far, then persuasion can turn into manipulation where only one party benefits from the interaction.

Why take the time to talk about persuasion when we really should be talking about negotiation? Simple, the two forms of communication are different sides to the same coin. I like to think about persuasion as being the unspoken part of negotiation. In a perfect world, if you could persuade the other side to sell you the car, buy your house, sign the contract, then that would be all that was needed. However, often times persuasion is not enough, and that’s when negotiation comes in to play. No matter how things turn out, persuasion has a role to play before, during, and after a negotiation.

When communicating with the other side, there are two basic forms of persuasion that can be used: logical and emotional. It’s important to realize that both forms are often used together – this is not an either or situation. The logical appeal attempts to use facts, logic, and reason to convince the other party to agree to take some action. The emotional appeal attempts to capture the other side’s imagination, their heart, or simply to appeal to their belief system to achieve the same thing.

Back to that car dealer. The walls of the dealership were covered with facts & stats about the safety and gas mileage of the cars that I was looking at (logical). They had pictures up around the place of past customers with little hand written notes that thanked the dealership for their service and support (emotional/social). Finally, when I sat down with the salesman to talk about pricing, I couldn’t help but notice the oversized picture of his wife and children that was prominently displayed on his desk (emotional). Next time you get ready to negotiate, don’t forget to prepare for the other 50% of your task – persuasion!

Do you use persuasion as a part of your negotiations? Have you ever felt as though the other side was using it on you? Have you ever been manipulated by someone during a negotiation? Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

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Posted in communications, emotional, ideas, logical, persuasion, success | 8 Comments »

NASA’s Guide To Negotiation Goal Setting: Aim For The Moon!

Friday, August 15th, 2008

Successful negotiating requires you to set high goals that can be achieved

What does it take to be successful in a negotiation? Long before you start doing any of the standard negotiation preparation tasks, you need to take just a moment and decide where you are aiming to get to. Although it sounds simple, all too often we enter into a negotiation with only a vague understanding of what it’s going to take in order for us to be able to walk away with a feeling of success.

There is a danger to setting an overall goal for the negotiations – how will we feel if we don’t achieve it? Really smart social scientists have been studying things like this for a long time and they’ve learned that setting such a goal will do two things for us: it will form an internal commitment to achieving the goal and it will set us up to feel a sense of ego loss if we end up not achieving it.

Sounds dangerous doesn’t it?

A critical point that you need to realize is that everything that happens at the negotiating table is part of a feedback loop. The feedback that you receive while negotiating will either alter or reinforce your sense of being able to achieve your goal. Those smart scientists have discovered that we respond to the feedback that we’re getting in the following ways:

  • Our expectations of being able to achieve our goal go up after a negotiating success and, of course, they go down after a failure.

  • If we think that we control our own success or failure, then our expectation are even more likely to to go up and down.
  • BIG successes lead to a sense of being able to accomplish our goal; BIG failures leads to a feeling of never being able to accomplish our goal.
  • If your goal is either too easy to get to or too hard to achieve during the negotiations, then you won’t feel much of anything – either success or failure.

If all it took to achieve your overall goal in negotiating was to have a highly placed goal, then we’d all be able to be successful each time we sat down to negotiate. However, life doesn’t work out that way. The reason for this is because of the other side of the table – they are actively working against you!

The other side of the table has a specific set of tactics that they use to bring you down and lower your feeling of being able to accomplish your goal. Their tactics have names such as the Bogey, the Krunch, and the Nibble. If you had no defenses against these tactics, then the other side would win each time. That doesn’t have to be the case and next time we’ll start taking these tactics apart and showing you how you can turn them to your advantage when they are used against you!

Do you always enter a negotiating session with a clear goal in mind? How do you set this goal (or does someone else always set it for you?) Have you ever felt like you were on a rollercoaster during a negotiation: feeling like you were going to achieve your goal one minute and then feeling like it was unreachable the next? Leave a comment and let me know.

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Posted in planning, satisfaction, strategy, strategy development, success | 2 Comments »

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